So Long Insecurity?

Recently I've been going through the book and study So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore with a friend from my community group at church. I'd been wanting to do a study of some kind and my friend had agreed to do it with me. We were trying to decide what to study when one day while sitting in church the depth of my insecurity came and slapped me right across the face. I knew exactly what we needed to do.

 The study guide gives this definition of insecurity... Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt - a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. The question right after this definition asks what part of this definition seems accurate and is something that I struggle with. Um, HELLO, this whole definition IS me. I don't think there is a single aspect in this definition that I do not struggle with. Daily. And can I tell you that I am really struggling today?

I have a whole list of things that feed my insecurity, but there are few things that feed it more on a Friday night than to have no plans. But one thing that does, is to be excited about actually having plans and then having them cancelled, for what seems to be no good reason at that. Now don't get me wrong, I like to have my space and once in a while I like to have a night in to just relax. But not on a Friday. I'm 24, single and I even have a break from classes. And you know what makes it worse? That it bothers me. I hate that it bothers me. I want to be the kind of person that doesn't get hurt or upset by this. People cancel plans all of the time and any normal person wouldn't think twice. So why do I take it personally? Why do I think that the person intentionally cancelled because they simply did not want to hang out with me? Pathetic, I know.


But this year I am determined to get over this insecurity. Just writing about how I'm so bothered I hear how pathetic and ridiculous I sound. I know the answers, I know that people do not cancel on me to hurt my feelings and that being alone on a Friday night is seriously no big deal. I know that even if these things weren't true, it wouldn't matter, because my security should not come from how many friends I have or what plans I have for the weekend. My security needs to come from God. And I think finding that security will be my biggest struggle, but what I strive the most for, in the upcoming weeks and months. So, you might want to prepare yourself to read more about it :)